


When we went from friends to this

by writworm42



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: College AU, Eventual Smut, F/F, Lesbian AU, Pan Character, Questioning character, Stupidity, also it's quarantine, and they were ROOMMATES, i am canadian and barely consulted a scot before deciding to set this in scotland, implied weed use, it's k you can put in brooke saying eh and aboot for no reason as reparations, pls do not Judge me for probably screwing up how scottish people talk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:07:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29108292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writworm42/pseuds/writworm42
Summary: At the start of their first year of college, roomies Brooke and Vanessa have to quarantine together for two weeks. Fourteen days is a lot of time to bond, but it's also a lot of time for things to get complicated.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Comments: 34
Kudos: 35





	1. Week 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ortega](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ortega/gifts).



> For the lovely Ortega--merry super belated Christmas <3
> 
> Thank you Holtz for betaing & suggesting a song for the title, Bean for answering my questions about whether UK stereotypes are true, and Ortega for being patient fdhsjkf
> 
> Title from Paper Rings by Taylor Swift

** Day 1 **

“I still can’t believe you gotta go in-person to all these classes, you sure there ain’t a Zoom option?”

Vanessa snorts, and she’s pretty sure that Silky can hear her roll her eyes on the other end of the line. “For dance majors? Bitch, you know that ain’t gonna work.”

But Silky is too stubborn to be fazed by common sense. Instead, her voice gets a little more urgent. “We’re only first year. Start out with something that doesn’t need to be done in-person, then switch majors to dance once this is all over. C’mon, I can’t have my bestie dying Miss ‘Rona here!” 

“Christ, you sound like my mom.” Vanessa huffs. “Look, the uni is being very careful, okay? Why else do you think I gotta quarantine for two weeks ahead of the start of term? Plus all clubs have been suspended and meals and showers are booked with time slots for each room. I’m literally seeing no one except the people in my classes and the bitch I’m sleeping next to.” 

“But—“

“Listen, I’m at the dorm now, so I gotta go. I’ll call you later, alright?” 

“Bye.” Silky’s begrudging send-off brings a flash of guilt to Vanessa’s chest, but only for a moment. Pushing her feelings aside, she hip-checks the door to the dorm building, trying to make her way inside without disrupting the large box she’s holding with one arm or the suitcase she’s trailing behind her with the other. 

“Hi, I’m Vanessa Mateo, I think I’m supposed to be room 96?” 

The suspiciously stoned-looking guy at the front desk barely looks up from the computer as he slides the keycard across his desk, and at first, Vanessa hovers, waiting for him to launch into a spiel about rules, but a moment passes without him saying anything, so she surges on. The building is a bit of a maze, its cement walls cold and drab despite the colourful posters plastered across it in a desperate attempt to make it more hospitable. By the time she finally reaches her room, she’s almost grateful that she’ll have to stay in it 24/7, given the impression the building and staff have left so far. No matter, though, right now, all she wants is to put down what she’s carrying and collapse onto her bed.

She shifts uncomfortably for a moment, trying to balance her box while also maneuvering her card towards the keypad, but the effort is unsuccessful--when she finally manages to tap the card, she’s met with another obstacle, having to actually open the door without any free arms. 

It’s probably not the best impression to kick the door open and promptly drop almost all of your stuff before falling on top of it. Scratch that, it’s _definitely_ not the best impression. Especially when Vanessa looks up at the owner of the voice that’s holding back laughter, asking if she needs help in a soft, calm twang. 

Her roommate is tall, blonde, and nothing short of gorgeous. And even as she makes a motion as simple as offering a hand, Vanessa can tell that this girl is the picture of poise and grace.

“What’s your name?” The girl watches with piercing eyes as Vanessa dusts herself off, fighting off a fierce blush as she straightens up and catches her breath. 

“Vanessa, but my friends call me Vanjie.” She extends a hand again, and this time, the girl seems rather shy as she takes it, nervously brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. 

Huh. 

“Nice to meet you, Vanessa. I’m Brooke.”

** Day 2 **

Brooke, as it turns out, is the polar opposite of Vanessa--quiet and reserved, so introverted that Vanessa has to wrestle information out of her. What Vanessa learns about her is interesting - she’s a dance major too, she’s from Toronto, she decided to study here because she wants RAD training as well as to get trained in other styles. She plans to minor in costume design, having an affinity for and attraction to any pattern that involves leather or lace (a kinky detail that Vanessa, much to her shame and embarrassment, files away hungrily). She has two cats back home, Apollo and Henry, that she misses terribly. Everything else Vanessa knows, though, had to be acquired sneakily over their first night together, more observation and speculation than actually asking. Like how Brooke must be a fan of _Schitt’s Creek_ , given that she put out a ‘ _fold in the cheese_ ’ sign on her desk. Or how Lana is probably her favourite artist, because she has a weird habit of not checking if her air pods are actually connected to the school’s shitty bluetooth network and it’s always the first couple notes of _Summertime Sadness_ that play from her laptop before she catches her mistake. Or how her ass is one of the best Vanessa’s ever seen, because Brooke has no shame changing in front of her--

She strikes that part from her mind almost as quickly as she thinks it in the first place. The important thing is, she’s got to spend two weeks with only Brooke to keep her company, and if they stay in this silence, it’s going to get very awkward very soon. 

“So… How d’you like Scotland so far?” Vanessa starts, grimacing internally at how stupid the question sounds. But Brooke doesn’t seem to mind; in fact, she smiles kindly as she looks up from her computer, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear again. 

“To be honest, I haven’t really seen much of it… Pretty much came right here after I came off the plane.” Her smile turns apologetic as her face flushes pink, clearly self-conscious about the lacklustre answer. That’s okay, though; Vanessa can still work with it. 

“Probably a long flight, huh? What’d you do to keep yourself entertained? Or are you a plane sleeper?” Vanessa adds with a teasing grin, and much to her delight, Brooke laughs. 

“Nah, I can never sleep on planes. Unless I knock myself out with Gravol or something, at least.” Brooke chuckles, giving a small wink. “I just read a bit, then the airline showed _The Notebook,_ so I watched that.”

“I love that movie!” Vanessa gasps, “I swear I’ve probably seen it, like, three thousand times. It’s just so--”

“Romantic!” Brooke finishes. “The poor guy next to me must have hated me for all the crying I did.” 

Her eyes are alight with excitement, and Vanessa can’t help but pick up on it, because _finally_ , the perfect topic, and Brooke likes Vanessa’s favourite movie, and maybe she likes other stuff that Vanessa likes, and they can talk about that together, and--

“So what’s your favourite scene?” Brooke asks eagerly, and Vanessa claps her hands over her face.

“That’s the _worst_ question to ask me, bitch!” Vanessa groans, but grins behind her hands when Brooke laughs, a string of apologies flowing between giggles. 

“Sorry, sorry, I should’ve known.” Brooke puts her hands up in mock surrender. “Too many to choose, right?”

“Right.” Vanessa giggles a little too. “Although…” she brings herself up on her elbows as soon as the idea hits her, and for some reason, her heart skips a beat as she formulates the question, a rare flash of nerves hitting her square in the chest. 

“Maybe a rewatch would be a good reminder?” Before she can verbalize what she’s thinking, Brooke beats her to the question, blushing again and chewing on her lip. 

It’s cute, how shy she is, and Vanessa makes a mental note that she’ll have to help her new roomie break herself of those habits.

“Yeah, lets.” Vanessa smiles warmly, sliding off her bed to grab her laptop from her desk. “Here, we can use my computer.” 

She’s only just grabbed the computer and turned around when she falters, realizing with a sinking dread what decision is next.

Either she has to invite Brooke onto her bed, or Brooke has to make room on hers. 

_It’s just a bed, it’s just a bed, it’s not like you’re inviting her to snog, it’s just sitting down to watch a movie…_

So maybe Vanessa’s never had anyone but her friends lounge on her bed before, and her friends certainly don’t make her feel as nervous as Brooke does. Maybe Vanessa’s bed is a little small and Brooke is a little pretty, and the thought of being that close together makes her mouth go dry. And maybe the sudden uncertainty in Brooke’s eyes, too, is imagined, or else doesn’t mean anything that Vanessa thinks it could mean, rejection or reciprocation or suspicion of what Vanessa’s feeling. None of that changes anything right now, because Brooke is smiling again, tapping the space beside her bed to beckon Vanessa over. 

“C’mon, let’s watch. If you want, we can even try to find the director’s cut.” 

** Day 3 **

Vanessa’s fast-developing fascination with Brooke’s ass isn’t helped by the sight of Brooke stretching on the floor that greets her as she comes back from her shower. 

“Oh, hey!” Brooke lifts her leg up into a needle stance, peering between her legs before shifting her weight onto one hand and waving to Vanessa with the other. Her hair is still wet from her turn in the showers, and her current position is causing stray drops of water to trickle onto her arms, making it all too easy for Vanessa to give into temptation and watch as the droplets course over each one of Brooke’s muscles.

Bloody Hell. Vanessa’s _got_ to do a better job of keeping her hormones under control.

“Hey yourself.” She tries to keep her voice casual as she grabs a pair of PJs from her bedside drawer, turning away from Brooke to change. 

It’s strange. Vanessa never used to be as shy as she feels now, self-conscious of her nakedness as she drops her robe and begins to re-dress. A few months ago, this would’ve been no problem at all; to be honest, she’s not sure it would be now if she had a different roommate. But with Brooke next to her, watching her or not watching her at all (she can’t decide what’s worse, really), it’s different. She can’t help but wonder what she must look like, what Brooke must see if she’s actually looking. What does it feel like, being in Brooke’s head? What does everything seem, looking through Brooke’s eyes? 

But Brooke is comfortable changing around her, and even though there’s no actual rule that says so, Vanessa feels obligated to feel comfortable, too. Partially because if it’s a non-issue, then feeling embarrassed about it might fade. And if that fades, then so will the way she feels every time she lays eyes on Brooke at all.

Right?

Vanessa whips around quickly, the sudden, eerie feeling of being watched making her forget that she doesn’t have a shirt on yet.

“ _Christ!_ ” Brooke hits the floor with a thud, flushing beet red as she scrambles to cover her eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to see--”

“I’ve seen yours, now you get to see mine.” Vanessa rolls her eyes and laughs, hoping that the light tone and faint smirk she forces herself to slap on disguises how secretly mortified she feels. And thankfully, the comment does work; the redness dissipates from Brooke’s face, and she giggles a little, though her gaze stays firmly planted on the ground until Vanessa slides on her t-shirt. Just like that, the awkwardness fades from the air, and things are back to business as usual as Vanessa begins to comb out her hair. Brooke finishes stretching, Vanessa goes to the half-bath to blow her hair dry. Brooke sits at her desk and types intently, Vanessa tries not to peek over Brooke’s shoulder to see who she’s talking to. Brooke stretches out on her bed to look at her phone, and Vanessa does the same to play around on hers. 

“Oh, it’s our turn for dinner.” A reminder notification at the top of Vanessa’s screen alerts her to the time, and she shuffles up to slide on shoes and get going, only remembering what she’s wearing at the last minute. 

“Gimme a second, we can go out like that together.” Brooke grins, swiping yet another strand of hair behind her ear as she drops her sweatpants and swaps them for a pair of pajama pants. 

“Are you sure?” Vanessa frowns, but Brooke just shrugs, a wry smile spreading on her face.

“I’ve seen yours, now you get to see mine.”

** Day 4 **

They do morning stretches together the next day, and Vanessa has to admit that lust gets pushed aside by jealousy the minute they slide into the splits. Vanessa can do them, even if she hates them--it’s not that she can’t. It’s not even that she’s inflexible, she wouldn’t have survived in dance up until now if she were. But Brooke? That girl is on a whole other level. She slides into the splits with no effort at all, falling into position almost instantly and yet extremely gracefully, then does the one thing Vanessa hates, because it’s the one stretch she _can’t_ do. She grabs a high foam block and puts it under her front foot. And then, just when Vanessa thinks she can’t get shown up even worse, Brooke grabs a second block and slides that under, too.

God, Vanessa wishes she could hate Brooke. But Brooke is too sweet, too kind, and too encouraging to even hold her pretzel-like tendencies against her, especially when she turns to Vanessa and taps her foot, offers her tips on how to get herself to that level of flexibility.

Vanessa tries to tell herself that the way Brooke’s eyes seem to linger on her every few minutes is just that generosity, a teacher monitoring her pupil. But even after Brooke helps Vanessa slide a small book under her foot, elevating her leg just enough, the lingering continues, and it’s hard not to let wishful thinking--at least, she _thinks_ that’s what it is--take over. And that feeling only gets stronger as they move to their next stretch, one where they’re toe to toe with their legs spread wide and Brooke is grabbing Vanessa’s hands to pull her hardly an inch away from her chest. 

Is it just Vanessa, or is Brooke blushing? And is it just Vanessa, or are Brooke’s hands just a little sweaty under their softness, warm and gentle as if they’re trying to hold Vanessa with as much tenderness as they can? And is it just Vanessa, or has Brooke’s chest gone still, her breathing stopped until Vanessa straightens out again? 

“Your turn.” Vanessa offers, pulling Brooke into the position she’d just been in, and from the way Brooke comes to a harsh, sudden, stiff stop, but her muscles don’t shake and her breathing doesn’t change, Vanessa can tell she’s holding back. Almost as if she doesn’t want to get too close. 

Vanessa’s imagining it. She has to be imagining it. There’s no other explanation, not a heterosexual one, and Brooke is… 

Come to think of it, Vanessa doesn’t know for sure. But she can’t ask, not now; it would be too strange. So instead, she pulls Brooke forward sharply, resisting the urge to giggle when the blonde grunts in surprise at her strength. 

“No holding back.” Vanessa shakes her head, smiling far too warmly for Brooke _not_ to know what this is really about. “You can trust me, okay?” 

“Okay.” Brooke smiles up at her, and then her muscles relax, and everything feels back to normal.

** Day 5 **

“Truth or dare?” 

Brooke turns to look at Vanessa, shifting to sit up as she smiles dubiously. They’re lying on Brooke’s bed together, pressed up against each other in an attempt to both fit in the small space of the double underneath the fuzzy, tickly cushion of Brooke’s top blanket. Vanessa rolls her eyes at Brooke’s skepticism, rolling onto her back to look up at her, grin wide on her face. 

“C’mon, you know you want to. We can scroll Reddit later. Truth or dare?” 

“Um…” Brooke crinkles her nose as she thinks, and Vanessa has to swallow the thought of how cute the blonde looks like that. 

Although admittedly, the fact that she’s starting to hope Brooke keeps thinking isn’t just so she can watch the way Brooke’s brow furrows and muse quietly to herself about how seriously Brooke is taking this choice. Rather, it’s because she knows what she wants Brooke to pick, and the longer Brooke thinks, the more opportunity there is for Vanessa to hope she’ll pick up on the psychic signals she’s trying to send her.

_Pick truth, pick truth, pick truth…_

“Dare. But I’m not licking anything and I’m not going anywhere naked.”

Damnit. 

Vanessa frowns, chewing on her lip as she tries frantically to think of a dare she can ask Brooke to do. It has to be appropriate, obviously, nothing too crazy like she might ask of Silky or her other, closer friends. But it can’t be boring, either—-if there’s one thing Vanessa doesn’t want to be in Brooke’s eyes, it’s boring.

Then, she thinks of the perfect thing. Something that might get at her truth question, that isn’t too high-stakes but definitely still has a bit of an ‘oh shit’ factor—exactly what you want from a dare. 

“Dare you to prank call your last ex. _On speaker._ ” Vanessa smiles triumphantly, sticking out her tongue to tease her roommate. It’s foolproof—depending on the voice, Vanessa will know who Brooke has dated. And if she’s dating someone already, then surely she’ll say that, since admitting it is no problem. 

Only, from Brooke’s face, there’s definitely a problem. 

“I don’t want to play anymore.” Brooke heaves herself up off the bed, face becoming stony and cold as her eyes cloud over with something that Vanessa can’t quite decipher. Something mixed with anger, sure, but also something… 

Crap. Crap, crap, crap. The magnitude of what Vanessa’s just asked of her new friend hits her like a train, and she feels like both the dumbest and worst person in the world at once. She called Brooke out, put her on the spot, and if she is queer? Pretty much just asked her to out herself. Which, unlike someone like Vanessa, who has a pan flag on her desk, not everyone is willing to do.

Brooke isn’t just feeling cornered, she’s feeling afraid.

“Aw, c’mon Brooke, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want—“

“I said I don’t want to play!” Brooke snaps. 

There’s a beat, Vanessa’s own heartbeat the only thing she can hear amidst the crushing silence. 

“Brooke—“ Vanessa tries again after a moment, her throat going dry as she tries to cut through the sudden tension, but Brooke just turns to her desk, scoops up her things and storms towards the door.

“I’m going for a walk. See you at dinner.” 

She slams the door on her way out, and suddenly, getting an answer to Vanessa’s question doesn’t really matter anymore, because there’s no satisfaction in what a reaction that strong might mean. She drops her head in her hands, staying there for a moment before punching the mattress underneath her, rocketing up and grabbing her phone.

“Silk? Yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry, I just… I fucked up.”

**Day 6**

They don’t talk about it at dinner, nor afterwards. They don’t talk about it the next morning, not during their morning stretches or at breakfast, either. It’s not that they don’t talk; they say good morning, ask each other questions about what time breakfast is, what time Brooke is going to be on a call with her parents. But that’s about as far as it goes; Brooke sticks to business, asking and answering questions in as few words as possible and avoiding Vanessa’s gaze at all costs. It’s torture, the tension eating away at Vanessa’s mind and stinging in her chest. She fucked up, and she fucked up _bad_ , and despite Silky’s advice, she’s not so sure she can fix this.

Still, she supposes it won’t hurt to try. 

Brooke is in the shower when Vanessa decides to sneak out, purse over her shoulder and mind ready for a mission. There’s a supermarket open within walking distance of the uni right now, and technically, she’s not supposed to leave campus at all except for emergencies. Which this is, so it should be okay, right? At least, that’s what she’ll say if she gets caught. She’ll have to be fast, and sneaky, and careful not to run into anyone who might ask where she’s going. Come to think of it, she hasn’t been for a walk on the grounds yet, not since arriving--how will it work? Will she have to plan a route? Give it to the front desk? Get a pass or something, to make sure she comes back within the allotted time? This could be dangerous, very dangerous…

“If you’re gonna go to the shop, can you get me a pack of cigs?” The stoner at the front desk doesn’t even bother looking up from whatever he’s doing on the computer as she tries to sneak by, stopping in her tracks at his voice.

Christ, really?

“Sure, whatever.” Vanessa rolls her eyes, a little irritated at how easy this actually is. So much for danger and adventure.

She comes back about an hour later, throws the guy his pack and launches that he owes her eleven over her shoulder, and skips back into her room with a jumbo bag of ketchup Lays in her knapsack. 

“Peace offering?” Vanessa grins down at Brooke as the blonde’s mouth drops open first in surprise, then delight as she snatches the snack from Vanessa’s hands.

“Where did you find these?” Brooke squeals with delight as she tears the bag open, breathing in the sharp, slightly-sour smell that makes Vanessa’s nose wrinkle. Still, seeing the look of utter joy on Brooke’s face makes Vanessa so happy that she can’t help but smile, too.

“International aisle.” Vanessa sits on the edge of her bed proudly. “Figured you might like them, seeing as you always say you’re craving them.” She winks, and Brooke rolls her eyes, but giggles despite herself. But the moment passes as soon as it had come, and then they settle into silence again.

_Come on, Vanessa. Just face the music. Apologize. She deserves that from you._ Vanessa bites her lip, her hands curling into fists as she tries to force her heartbeat even again, because the longer the silence goes on, the more awkward it gets, the more she realizes that it’s now or never for her to make things right.

“Brooke--”

“We don’t have to talk about it.” Brooke says quietly, her voice flat and lifeless and… scared, almost. Vanessa sucks in a breath, her chest sinking as she realizes what’s going on.

“Well… Do you want to?” Vanessa prods, but Brooke doesn’t even look up from the bag of crisps, which suddenly seem to be the most interesting thing in the world despite the dullness in the blonde’s eyes.

“Honestly, I’d rather we didn’t.” When she finally speaks up, her voice is barely above a whisper, and it’s enough to make Vanessa’s heart break. 

Not just because she’s lost her chance to apologize--because she knows that tone, knows that look. Knows the hesitancy and caution behind it, the anxiety and the feeling of being trapped and overwhelmed. Knows what kind of revelation that voice and that look are hiding, and how the information Brooke is trying to avoid isn’t actually set in stone yet. 

Jesus, she’s fucked up _way_ more than she thought she had.

“Okay.” Vanessa finally nods, sighing deeply. “But if you do… I’m here, okay?”

Brooke hesitates for a moment, but when she does look up, her eyes are full of a gratefulness that’s surprisingly warm. “Okay.”

This time, when silence falls, it’s not awkward, but full of resolution. 

“So…” Brooke finally breaks it this time, a slow smile spreading on her face, “They just put up the newest season of _The Bachelor_ online, wanna watch it? We got snacks, after all.” Brooke waves her bag in the air, and Vanessa smiles.

“Shove over, mate. I wanna see what kinda mess the girls are this year.”


	2. Week 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke and Vanessa enter their second week of quarantine with the truth or dare game still hanging in the air between them--but maybe that's not such a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU HOLTZ FOR BETA-ING <3 <3 <3

Day 7

It’s 12:30 AM and Vanessa’s eyes are starting to fall closed, their fifth episode of _The Bachelor_ that night still playing on Brooke’s screen, when Brooke’s voice jerks her back awake. 

“Hey, V?” 

“Mm?” Vanessa sits up a little, rubbing the clouds of almost-sleep from her eyes and stifling a yawn. 

For her part, Brooke looks nervous, doubtful, back to her shy self as if it’s the first time they’re meeting all over again. 

“So about that offer to talk…” 

It doesn’t take a genius to know what’s coming next. Brooke clears her throat, looking down at the sheets underneath her, takes a deep breath in. Vanessa can’t help but feel a little sorry for her; she herself has been in this position before, with people she’s known far longer, and frankly? Even then, it had sucked. So who can blame Vanessa for inching her hand forward, laying it gently on top of Brooke’s and smiling when the blonde looks up in surprise?

“It’s okay.” Vanessa keeps her voice as soft as her touch, and even though she knows Brooke probably doesn’t believe her, at least the girl’s breathing seems to even out just a little. “Go ahead, I’m listening.”

“I just…” 

Brooke pauses, squeezing her eyes shut, and that previous near-calm is thrown out the window as fast as it came. But this isn’t Vanessa’s first rodeo; she’s been there, and she’s been with plenty of other friends who have been there, too. Besides, this is all her fault, so listening and understanding is the least she can do right now.

“Were you trying to get me to call my ex so you could figure out if I’m gay?” Brooke finally chokes out, and Vanessa has to admit, being called out directly is a bit of a sock to the chest. She was expecting a confession, not a question, and it almost makes her feel guilty that Brooke seems to be giving her a chance to deny it, a trial before the sentence. It’s more than she deserves, really, but nonetheless, she’s grateful. 

“It was just a joke, honestly, like I wasn’t--I didn’t--” Vanessa stops and forces herself to take in a deep breath, closing her eyes in turn before opening them again, her heart sinking when she sees how attentive, yet _afraid_ Brooke’s face is. “If I had known it was such a sore spot, I wouldn’t have done it. Promise.” 

She doesn’t really know what to expect in the moment that comes next. Hell, she doesn’t even know how _she’d_ react, much less someone as closed off as Brooke can be. But what she does know is she certainly doesn’t expect Brooke to roll over, crashing down on her mattress and putting her hands over her face. 

“Look...” Vanessa starts, but then Brooke cracks her fingers apart, peering at Vanessa through the space between them.

“What’s it like to have it all figured out?” Brooke brings her hands away, and it breaks Vanessa’s heart to see tears pricking at the corners of the girl’s eyes, her cheeks flushed with a faint red. 

“Like... the whole pan thing, you mean?” Vanessa frowns, but Brooke says nothing, just rolls flat on her back and brings her hands to her face again.

“I didn’t mean to freak out.” Brooke’s voice is muffled when it finally comes out, swallowed by the way she’s pressing into herself. “Really. It just… I haven’t dated girls ye—well, at all. I’m not sure about a ‘yet,’ honestly.”

Vanessa knows the feeling; trying to weigh dating history against possibilities, doing math on what you’ve had divided by what you want, wondering where the other variables fit, if they do at all. It’s a sticky place, and one that Vanessa certainly wouldn’t want anyone seeing if she were still there. 

“It’s not that I minded the question, it’s just… the fact that you asked it at all meant you saw through me. And like, I don’t even know for sure that there _is_ something to see through. Or at least, what it is. What it means for me. Y’know?”

Vanessa nods, grunting in agreement, because she does. She remembers that too--the paranoia, the caught feeling of having everything to expose yeah nothing to show for it. She remembers the confusion, all the questions as to what she was allowed to feel and what it all meant; if it meant anything at all.

“I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. '’ Vanessa shakes her head, sighing deeply. '’ I should've known better. It's none of my business, right? You would think I know that by now. '’

Brooke just shrugs, but then she squeezes Vanessa's hand back, and a small bubble of hope rises in Vanessa's chest.

“‘S’okay.” Brooke whispers quietly, a small smile showing on her face. 

They don’t say much else—To be honest, Vanessa doesn’t really remember what was said at all. What she does know is that around nine o’clock that morning, she wakes up tucked in snug in her own bed, Brooke just returning from their breakfast slot and tossing her a pre-packaged cheese Danish with a warm smile on her face.

Day 8 

“Truth or dare?”

Vanessa’s head whips up at the question, her heart stopping in its tracks and all her breath leaving her lungs at once. “What?” 

“Let’s try it again,” Brooke shrugs. “Truth or dare? And you gotta make last time up to me, so no cop-outs of the dares.” she winks. 

“You—you want to play truth or dare again. With me. After all that.” Vanessa repeats slowly, the shock still not allowing the proposal to quite register in her brain.

Brooke rolls her eyes. “Yes, bitch, even after all that. I’m bored as shit, and the last time was a bust ‘cause I freaked out. So I want a chance to redo it, to make it right, y’know?”

Vanessa most certainly does not, a fact that must register in her face because Brooke huffs, crossing her arms over her chest in frustration. 

“Look, we were getting along really well until this whole thing happened, right? So maybe if we do it again, we can get over it. Create a new memory. If we have a do-over, we get a chance to come full circle, and then we can just forget the whole thing.” 

When she puts it that way, it actually does kind of make sense. Things _had_ gone pretty much back to normal, so why not cement it for sure? 

“Okay.” Vanessa nods, smiling a little. “I’ll pick dare.” 

She just _really_ hopes Brooke isn’t going to make her go anywhere naked or lick anything.

“I dare you to ask the dude at the front desk his name. And also for some weed.” 

“That’s two things!” 

“Well, you can’t just walk up to someone and ask them for weed without asking their name first!” Brooke argues. “That’s so gauche.” 

“Because asking someone we hardly know for illicit drugs isn’t gauche.” Vanessa snorts, but she’s already heaving herself up off her bed and grabbing her mask before beckoning Brooke towards the door. 

When they get out to the front lobby, sure enough, stoned-guy is manning the front desk, this time wearing glasses that reflect a game of chess from the computer monitor in front of him.

“Oi!” Vanessa cruises easily up to the desk, stopping at the ‘ _keep six feet!’_ stickers on the floor as he looks up lazily and eyes her up and down. 

“I don’t have cash on me, can I e-transfer?” He asks, and that’s how Vanessa knows she has an in for the dare.

“Actually, my roomie and I were thinking of another way of paying it off.” Vanessa grins, only to drop the expression and roll her eyes when the boy visibly recoils. 

“My arsehole is worth more than a Marlboro.” 

“Your arse—Oh my God.” She pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs deeply, cursing Brooke inwardly as the blonde cracks up beside her. “ _Weed_ , you idiot, we wanted you to spot us some weed, then we’d call it even!”

“Oh.” The guy says blankly. “Sure, yeah. Room 96, right? I’ll text my mate to bring some squares for you, just listen for the knock and he’ll leave it outside your door.”

“Sure.” Vanessa rolls her eyes, grabbing a still-cackling Brooke by the wrist and dragging her away. 

“You happy now?” She grumbles as they get back into their room, collapsing on their respective beds, but Brooke just smirks smugly, shaking her head.

“You didn’t ask his name.” Brooke grins, only to squeal when Vanessa nails her with a pillow in response. “Sore loser.” She sticks out her tongue, and this time, Vanessa laughs. 

“Whatever. Your turn—truth or dare?”

Day 9 

Vanessa is awoken by the feeling of something poking her face, once, twice, three times, followed by Brooke’s voice. 

“Vanessa? Vanjie? Vanj?” 

“Stop—hey, stop that!” Vanessa’s eyes snap open, and she shields her face before another poke can land on her cheek. 

“Sorry.” Brooke drops her hand, a guilty, sheepish look on her face as Vanessa yawns, sitting up and stretching before turning to look up at Brooke.

“What time is it?” Vanessa frowns, rubbing her eyes to try and get the sleep out of them. “And what’s so urgent, anyway?” 

“Nine forty-five.” Brooke sighs, “And the syllabi are all up.”

“Like the ones for our classes?” Vanessa tries to clarify. “Where? Since when?” 

She doesn’t really see what all the fuss is, but that doesn’t change how Brooke looks like she’s going to explode any minute. 

“Our portal, and since nine this morning. They sent us a note about it in our school emails at nine forty-three.” 

Vanessa stares at Brooke blankly for a moment, the full weight of that information failing to sink in because of one glaring detail. “You been checking your school emails?”

Brooke’s mouth drops open, the blonde looking at Vanessa like she’s just slapped her clean across the face. “You _haven’t_ been checking your school emails?” 

“School ain’t started yet!” Vanessa protests. So she has a sense of school-life balance; sue her. She still doesn’t get what all the fuss is about. They’re dance majors, after all. What can the syllabi possibly hold, choreography? Bun-tying instructions? She’s sure whatever’s in those things, they’re not as heavy or scary as Brooke is making them out to be. 

“I’m afraid to look, Vanj. I’m afraid to look.” 

“Alright, alright, I’ll look so you don’t have to.” Vanessa waves away the anxious edge in Brooke’s voice. “Hand over your laptop, let’s see, what’s our first course…”

She almost drops the computer when she sees Anatomy 100 on the screen. Oh, God. She’d completely forgotten that anatomy was one of the program requirements. And looking through the syllabus, the dread sinking into her chest only gets heavier, more urgent, as she looks up at the page count.

Fifty. The syllabus alone for _one_ course is fifty pages. 

“The lab manual’s another eighty-seven.” Brooke frets behind Vanessa, who suddenly feels like she can’t breathe. 

“Are we supposed to read this before Monday?” Vanessa starts to scroll through the document quickly, watching words and diagrams speed by as if they’re little more than streaks on a screen. 

“No, anatomy’s on Wednesday. We’re supposed to read intro to music theory’s syllabus and complete the first chapter of coursework by Monday.”

“ _Fuck.”_ Vanessa whistles. They really _are_ in uni now. Guess she should’ve taken those horror stories about workload more seriously. 

But hey--they’re only on day nine of their quarantine, and there’s twenty-four hours in a day. That’s like…well, Vanessa’s not sure how many hours exactly that amounts to, but it’s probably in the hundreds. And when she thinks about it like that? Suddenly, all that paper doesn’t seem so scary.

Unfortunately, Brooke doesn’t seem to see it in quite the same way. 

“We only have five days, Ness. Five days. That’s only a hundred and twenty hours, and that’s _before_ you subtract time for eating and sleeping and pooping and peeing and showering—“

“Brooke—”

“—and also personal time, God, who am I kidding, we won’t have _time_ for personal time, might as well get used to it—”

“ _Brooke—”_

“—we’re gonna be dead by October, Ness. Dead. I just know it. If this is what it’s like _before_ school begins, then we’ll be cooked within a month—”

“BROOKE!” 

Brooke stops spiralling to look at Vanessa in shock, her mouth hanging open as if it’s still waiting to push more words out. Unfortunately, Vanessa doesn’t really allow that to happen; instead, she walks towards Brooke, grabs her hands and gives them a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s just reading.” Vanessa says slowly, watching Brooke’s face to make sure she’s getting the message. “I’ve seen you read—you’re pretty fast. And we haven’t even looked at the music book yet; for all we know, the first chapter is just some easy-peasy intro about how to read music. You know how to do that, right?”

“Yeah.” Brooke’s face smooths out as she sighs. “Yeah, I know how to do that.”

“We got plenty of time.” Vanessa states, and blessedly, Brooke nods.

“Plenty of time.” She smiles, and suddenly, somehow, things feel different.

Because Vanessa is holding Brooke’s hands and they’re soft and warm and their grip is firm, and Brooke’s smile is gentle and comfortable and God, was it always that pretty? And Brooke is thanking Vanessa, calling her that name again, the one she hasn’t really been called before but can’t help but like.

_Ness._

It feels special, somehow. _This_ feels special. 

But just like that, it’s gone, and they’re both blushing, and their hands fall away. 

“So, wanna read? We can do it in blocks of ten pages.” Vanessa suggests, suddenly desperate to fill the air again. 

As for Brooke, she has an unreadable expression in her eyes, and Vanessa dreads what that might mean as much as she has hopes for it. She’s got to do better at putting that shit out of her mind.

“Yeah, let’s.” Brooke finally says, grabbing her computer again, “C’mon, I’ll put music on for us while we look.” 

Day 10 

Vanessa wakes up gasping and disoriented, head spinning, thoughts flying, and hands down her pajama pants. She looks over at Brooke, still sleeping soundly, and lets out a shaky breath, trying to keep it silent as she can.

Just a second ago, Brooke was in Vanessa’s head, licking and touching and kissing her in a way that felt too real. Making Vanessa ache too much, want her in a way that Vanessa can feel even now that she’s awake. And that can’t happen. It just can’t. 

She eases herself up, heart still pounding and head still spinning, trying her best to ignore the feeling in her belly, the one she’s refusing to acknowledge or name. It’s fine; it’s fine. It was just a one-off, a random coincidence. She hasn’t had privacy in ten days; it’s no wonder that she’s dreaming about the only person she’s been seeing. That’s all. Nothing more. 

Casting a glance at the clock, she lets out another sigh, relief lifting a weight from her chest. Eight-fifteen. Her shower slot.

She gets ready quickly, trying to stay as quiet as she can as she changes into her robe, dashes into the washroom to grab her shower caddy. If she hurries, Brooke won’t wake, and she can take care of this, wash it all away.

She’s halfway through the door when she hears Brooke stir. 

“Ness?” Brooke croaks, shifting up on her elbows. “What time is it?” 

“Eight-fifteen. Go back to sleep, you look like you need it.” Vanessa smiles queasily, then rushes out the door. She shouldn’t be feeling like this; her heart shouldn’t be going this fast, and she shouldn’t be feeling so guilty. So excited, somehow. 

_Think about someone else. Think about someone else._ She hangs up her robe, shuts the shower curtain. Makes the water as cold as she can.

It doesn’t work. 

_Shawn Mendes is pretty hot. I can think about him instead._ Her hands wander between her legs, and she forces the singer’s face into the front of her mind. Her breath hitches, and her legs clench, and then suddenly, he’s blonde, and his eyes are green, and his ass is amazing, and she can’t stop, she can’t stop, she’s gonna—

She tears her hand away from herself, but it’s too late. She’s already shaking, and everything else is falling away as her orgasm washes through her. Her other hand finds its way to the wall, and she braces against it as images of Brooke continue to swirl in her head until finally she’s come fully down, and she can open her eyes and finally clear her mind. 

She turns off the water, leaves the shower as fast as she can, not caring that as far as showering, she feels much dirtier than when she came in.

This can’t be happening. She can’t have just come thinking of Brooke. She can’t. 

Only she just did, and Brooke is in their room at the end of the hall, unaware.

_Fuck._

Day 11 

As far as Vanessa is concerned, this is just a crush, so she makes sure she doesn’t let it show whatsoever. She talks normally, acts normally, refuses to acknowledge the way her heart beats so hard and how tough it is to breathe whenever she thinks about her slip up in the shower yesterday. She balls her hands into fists to keep them from shaking when Brooke walks by, and forces herself to look up to the ceiling when Brooke changes into her workout clothes. They stretch and exercise together like normal, chat like normal, watch _The Bachelorette_ like normal. 

But it’s not normal—because Vanessa can’t completely ignore what’s going on. When Brooke speaks, Vanessa can’t help but watch her lips and how they move. And when Brooke laughs, Vanessa can’t help but feel warm inside. And when Brooke’s shoulder brushes up against her, she can’t help but feel a shiver run down her spine. Worst of all, there’s something in her that feels as though Brooke is off, and Vanessa can’t really tell what it is. Delusion, probably. Paranoia or wishful thinking, depending what she guesses is going on in Brooke’s mind. But Brooke seems to be looking over at Vanessa a lot, and seems to blush a lot when she’s speaking, and seems to hover just a little closer to her when they’re sitting or laying or stretching next to each other. 

It can’t mean anything, though. Brooke doesn’t even know if she’s actually queer; what are the chances that she’d fall for Vanessa, given that? At best, it’s some kind of cabin fever, and Vanessa’s not sure how she feels about that. Because on the one hand, she doesn’t just want to be a whim to Brooke. On the other hand, though, if her own whims don’t get met soon?

Honestly, she just might explode.

“I’m going for a run, wanna come?” Brooke gets up from her desk, stretching widely and yawning a little. It’s supposed to be their study time right now, a habit they’re establishing before the term actually starts so that they don’t fail to start it later. Of course, without the incentive of grades or falling behind right now, most of that time is spent goofing off anyway, but neither of them would admit to that. Especially not now, when Brooke doesn’t seem to know just how much mental space Vanessa knows she should be taking right now. So she just shakes her head, keeps up the facade of pretending to be reading even though they both know damn well she’s thinking about something else. Brooke doesn’t ask what it is, though, so Vanessa doesn’t feel a need to share.

The door is barely closed when Vanessa’s phone buzzes, and surprise, surprise, it’s a text from Silky.

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: how’s miss thing doing_ **

**_Vanjie: Idk what ur talkin bout_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: yes u do_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: u gon make me say it_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: cause I will_ **

**_Vanjie: don’t u dare_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: brookiepoo_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: brookalicious_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: booty-booty brooke_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: Brooke Lynn “shower thoughts” Hytes_ **

**_Vanjie: that was ONE TIME_ **

**_Vanjie: and she’s fine_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: yeah we know u think she’s fine I asked how she is_ **

**_Vanjie: I s2g u askin for the block button bitch_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: nah u would miss me too much_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: seriously tho how u doing w the big crush_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: I know you, once you go horndog u never go back_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: you must be dying keeping it in_ **

**_Vanjie: yeah well imma have to cause I’m living w her for the rest of the year_ **

She closes her phone and tosses it, ignoring the way it lights up and buzzes every few seconds the minute she does. She’ll read Silky’s lecture later; right now, she needs to clear her mind. 

It’s not an impossibility, really. The idea that Brooke might like her back. But Vanessa doesn’t really know her like that; sexuality aside, there’s so much more to it that Vanessa just can’t fit the pieces into. Like personality, and physique, and considerations of lifestyle and preferences for age and such. Plus, Silky’s right--Vanessa falls fast and hard, picking a person and clinging to them for dear life until life forces them apart. But that doesn’t mean Brooke is like that; if the way Brooke makes friends is any indication, then she’s most likely the opposite--she probably takes a long time to come out of her shell, let people in. 

Then again, Vanessa broke through those guards in less than two weeks, so maybe she’s misjudging even that--she doesn’t know that Brooke isn’t someone else entirely under what she has discovered so far. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to find out, of course, but that’s beside the point--you can’t discover everything about a person if they don’t want you to. And at this point, she can’t be sure Brooke wants her to. Besides, it’s only been eleven days; there’s no such thing as unshakeable trust yet, even Vanessa isn’t that delusional. So how can Vanessa unshakably trust the feeling she has, however small, that there just might be something there with Brooke after all? 

She lets her hand wander between her legs and shuts her eyes, resigned to the way the blonde pops up immediately in her head. 

If she can’t forget about Brooke, she might as well try and get her out of her system.

Day 12 

_Vanessa can’t keep still, and from the way Brooke is continuing to tease her, it seems like the blonde doesn’t particularly want her to. Brooke’s mouth is relentless against Vanessa’s neck, her hands hungrily roaming the smaller girl’s body, pulling her closer to close the distance between their bodies. Not that there’s much of that to overcome in the first place—Brooke is straddling Vanessa’s lap and grinding against her, turning her chair away from the homework on her desk to focus on the way the blonde’s hips rut against hers and how her fingers are feather-light as they splay over Vanessa’s waist._

_“I’ve wanted to do this since the day we met, you know that?” Vanessa’s surprised by the way her own voice sounds, how breathless she’s already become. But if Brooke notices, then she takes it in stride, using the opportunity to bring her hand from Vanessa’s waist to her chin, guide it up gently to bring her in for a kiss._

_“Is it everything you’ve dreamed of?” Brooke traces over Vanessa’s collarbone until she reaches the buttons of her shirt, slowly beginning to undo each button one by one with a confident smirk. “Or do you need to see more?”_

_Vanessa opens her mouth to reply, but only a whine comes out as Brooke finally pushes her shirt open, smiles widely as she brings delicate hands to Vanessa’s chest._

_“There, there, don’t worry. I’m going to take care of you now, okay?”_

_Vanessa gives a meek nod, then cranes up to meet Brooke’s lips for another kiss before--_

“Ness, Ness, wake up, wake up!”

Vanessa’s eyes snap open suddenly to see Brooke bent down over her, shaking her shoulder. 

“What--what time is it?” Vanessa frowns, still trying to get her bearings as she shifts herself up onto her elbows.

“2 AM. You were moaning in your sleep.” 

_Oh no._ Vanessa feels her heart stop, a blush rising on her cheeks that she just hopes Brooke can’t see in the dark. If she was moaning in her sleep, then who knows what else she was doing? Fuck, if she said anything, Heaven forbid Brooke’s name… 

There’s only one option: she has to cover this up, and fast.

“I was just having a nightmare.” Vanessa shrugs, suddenly acutely aware of how Brooke is looking at her, scanning her face intently as if she’s trying to find something in Vanessa’s expression. How close they are together, and how Brooke’s hand is still lingering on her shoulder.

_Fall for it, fall for it, please fall for it…_

“No you weren’t.” Brooke keeps looking, keeps _staring_ , and is it just Vanessa, or is she leaning in closer, her voice getting lower? “Those weren’t those kinds of moans.” 

It’s all over. She’s done for. Brooke has called her bluff, and now Vanessa’s cornered, nowhere to escape but--

She gasps when suddenly, one hand on her shoulders becomes two, and then she’s being pulled forward, straight into Brooke. Her eyes flutter closed as their lips meet, and the kiss gets deeper, slower, as if they’re both trying to savour it as long as they can. 

Brooke’s lips are dry from sleep, her tongue still tasting like toothpaste, but it doesn’t matter--because every time Vanessa nips at Brooke’s lower lip, runs her tongue over the area to soothe the bruises, the blonde’s breath hitches in her throat and she lets out the smallest gasp, a barely-audible whimper that Vanessa wants to hear again. And when Vanessa moves her hands to Brooke’s waist to pull her close, Brooke melts into the movement, her own grip on Vanessa’s shoulders loosening and light fingers tracing down the shorter girl’s back. 

“I haven’t done this before.” Brooke pulls apart suddenly, breathless and blushing and looking more beautiful than Vanessa’s ever seen her.

“What, kiss?” Vanessa pulls Brooke in again, unwilling to let what’s happening go just yet, but Brooke just shakes her head, though not pulling away this time, rather leaning in close as if she can’t help herself but stay in Vanessa’s arms.

“You know what I mean.” Her hands move down to Vanessa’s ass with a tentative, yet hungry touch, and it’s almost enough to draw a moan from Vanessa right then and there. Instead, though, it’s Vanessa’s turn to separate them, cupping Brooke’s face tenderly and offering her a reassuring smile as she shakes her head.

“Neither have I.”

Brooke’s face relaxes instantly, eyes tender as they are excited, and Vanessa feels an anxiety she didn’t even know was weighing on her lift, too. They don’t talk anymore; they don’t have to. Brooke lets Vanessa pull her up onto her bed, lets her kneel over her and bend down to keep kissing her. She wastes no time in kissing down Brooke’s body, listening to every sigh and feeling for every squirm as she trails her mouth over the blonde’s neck, her collarbone, her chest, pushing the fabric of her shirt aside to give herself more room. Brooke’s skin smells like lilac and shea butter, and it marks up easy when Vanessa nips at it, just once, because she can’t help it--she can’t stop wanting to hear Brooke moan, can’t stop staring at the blooming bruise she left there. 

“Lift your arms?” Vanessa taps at Brooke’s side, and she’s a little disappointed, she has to admit, when Brooke goes a step further and takes her shirt off herself, rather than letting Vanessa pull it off her body. Still, it’s a disappointment that’s short-lived, melting into awe when she finally looks up to see Brooke waiting for her, chewing her lip as if she’s waiting for Vanessa to say something.

“Wow.” 

It’s all Vanessa can muster, because… _wow._ They’ve seen each other naked before, or, well, almost. They’ve changed in front of each other plenty of times, and there’s been the occasional accidental eyeful, but none of that ever felt like this before. Those times were casual, split-seconds, times where there were other things to focus on and each other’s bodies were the least interesting things going on. 

Now, though, it’s different--there’s nothing else to think about, nothing else to do, and Vanessa has all the time in the world to look at every detail of Brooke’s body, laid out half-bare and waiting for her. And God, is Brooke beautiful; even as she clutches at her sides insecurely, goosebumps rising on her arms in the night’s chill, Vanessa can’t help but want to trail her hands down the curve of Brooke’s waist, cup her tits, kiss against the heat of the blush staining Brooke’s cheeks. 

So she does. 

“How come you’re still dressed?” Brooke pants out the words over the sounds of Vanessa’s sucking and nipping at her neck, not bothering to be gentle because who’ll see the hickeys, anyway? It doesn’t seem like Brooke minds, either; rather, she bucks her hips into Vanessa a little harder with every bite, little whimpers and gasps escaping her lips.

“Sorry.” Vanessa pulls away sheepishly, immediately missing the feeling of Brooke’s nails digging into her hips, pulling her closer. She’s about to start pulling off her shirt when Brooke grabs her wrist, shakes her head. 

“I wanna do it.” 

Vanessa arches a brow, a smile creeping onto her face before she can stop it. “Well, look who’s getting bold.” 

“Shut up and c’mere.” Brooke rolls her eyes, but there’s a smile on her face too, one that Vanessa’s seen a thousand times but nonetheless has never looked as radiant as it does now. 

Brooke takes her time undressing Vanessa, using each garment she removes as an opportunity to touch Vanessa in different places, explore her body and rile her up a little more with each graze of her fingers. It’s so effective that it’s actually kind of hard to believe Brooke hasn’t done this before; the way she’s touching Vanessa right now has the smaller woman melting, becoming putty in Brooke’s hands without even meaning to, but certainly not regretting it. Brooke’s hands reach down to Vanessa’s waist, then her hips, trace along the waistband of her pajama pants, and then…

“You can take them off, it’s okay.” Vanessa murmurs kindly against Brooke’s lips, but the blonde pulls away, her hands falling away from Vanessa’s body and leaving her feeling cold. 

“I’m just…” 

Vanessa stops Brooke’s hand in the air before she can move it to her ear. 

“It’s okay.” She brings Brooke’s hands to her lips, kisses it gently. “We can stop if you want.” 

There’s a pause, and Vanessa hardly thinks she can stand it--it feels like forever, and by the time Brooke seems ready to respond, Vanessa’s ready to explode from all the worry, dread, openness, and care mixing together and practically bursting out of her heart. 

“I’m sorry.” Brooke’s voice is so small that it wipes any disappointment that Vanessa might have otherwise felt out of her mind. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just…” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Vanessa shakes her head, waving the explanation away before Brooke can put the look into her eyes into words. 

Truth is, even though Vanessa wants to hear what’s going through Brooke’s mind more than anything, there’s also something in her that’s afraid of what the blonde has to say. Terrified, in fact. But it’s two in the morning, and Brooke looks like she’s going to cry, and right now, all Vanessa wants is to scoop her roommate up into her arms, hold her, and kiss her again before cuddling her to sleep. 

So that’s exactly what she does, and thankfully, Brooke lets her.

Day 13 

Brooke doesn’t make eye contact with Vanessa for the next day and a half, and it’s enough to kill her. Truth be told, she doesn’t even really get it--what could Brooke possibly be gaining, or protecting herself from, by avoiding Vanessa? Not that she really is, either--it’s a half-baked kind of avoidance, one that only someone who’s spent every waking (and non-waking) moment for the last thirteen days with you could catch. 

Brooke and Vanessa get on fine; they chat, they study, they stretch, they watch reality TV. But Brooke’s laugh dies a second too early now, and she chews her lip almost constantly. She seems tense every time Vanessa’s shoulder bumps into hers. Something about the way she blushes when she catches herself getting over-excited is different--almost like instead of being self-conscious, she’s internally reprimanding herself. And worst of all, she just won’t fucking look Vanessa in the eyes. 

“I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, guys.” Vanessa frets between gasps for air, her earbuds barely staying in her ears as she tries to keep up a good pace on her morning jog. 

Silky and A’keria, her other best friend, listen intently on the other line, both of them making _mmm_ noises as they think of how to respond. 

“I don’t think you did anything wrong, honestly.” A’keria’s the first to jump in, voice level and thoughtful as she advises, “Gut feeling to me is the bitch got scared, that’s all.”

“Scared of _what_?” Vanessa huffs, coming to a stop to catch her breath. She doesn’t know whether it’s the conversation, the run, or the mask that’s making it hard to breathe, but she feels like she might keel over before she has the chance to figure it out. “Of me?”

“Of vaginas, sounds like.” Silky snorts. 

“Hey, you’re being unfair.” Vanessa scolds. “Don’t make me remind you how long you spent googling average penis size and worrying about whether it was gonna hurt the first time what’s-his-dick asked you to fuck last year.” 

“This ain’t about me or Brad, may his cheating ass rest in pieces!” Silky objects, sniffing indignantly. “This is about Brooke. Seriously, you said she was questioning, right? So either she spooked because of the sex, or maybe…” 

Silky doesn’t have to finish the sentence; none of them have to talk for the meaning of Silky’s unsaid words to be understood. 

It could be that Brooke wasn’t ready to lose her virginity, that her original burst of courage had faded before she could follow through. Or it could be that Brooke had realized halfway through that maybe she didn’t want to lose her virginity to a girl.

Both are valid, Vanessa knows that in her mind. In her heart, though… 

Thinking about that latter option really hurts. 

“So she really hasn’t said anything to you about it?” A’keria breaks the silence finally, and Vanessa can’t say she’s not grateful for that. 

“Not a word. It’s like she’s trying to pretend it didn’t happen at all.” 

“Okay, so what did she say when you brought it up?” Vanessa can practically hear A’keria raising her eyebrows on the other line. 

Jesus fuck. Vanessa hadn’t thought of that.

“Vanessa Isabela Vanjie Mateo, do you mean to tell me you’ve gotten all up in your feelings about this poor girl and you left it all on her over-thinking, introverted, anxiety-prone ass to make sense of?” A’keria sounds like a mom scolding a wayward daughter, equal parts disappointment and exasperation, and honestly, Vanessa can’t blame her.

“Well, when you put it like _that_ …”

“Go jog your ass back to your dorm and talk to her, then you can tell us about it later.” Even Silky takes on A’keria’s matter-of-fact tone, and even though normally, Vanessa would bite back at that from her, this time, she just sighs, because her friends are right.

“Fine, I will, but if I get my heart broke, it’s on you bitches.” Vanessa huffs, only to be greeted with a snort from A’keria and a whoop from Silky. 

“Go hash it out, drama queen. We’ll be waiting to hear how it goes down.”

With A’keria’s words replaying in her head, Vanessa heads back, her chest so tight and feet so suddenly heavy that jogging just isn’t a possibility anymore. Not that it matters--it’s so cloudy today that no one is around to see her walking like she’s headed to her own funeral, and even once rain flecks of rain start to dot the sidewalk and wet her clothes, she can’t help but feel like getting soaked is a better alternative to the conversation she’s about to have. 

Unfortunately, Brooke seems to see things a little differently when Vanessa does finally slide back into their room looking like a drowned rat. It’s what she gets for taking the long route around campus in the middle of a downpour, she supposes, but to Brooke, the sheer amount of rain they get here is still a bit of a big deal--so maybe she shouldn’t be surprised when the blonde immediately jumps to fussing over her. 

“Oh my God, you’re _soaked_! C’mere, shit, let me get you a towel. No, hey! Take your shoes off, they’re all muddy.” Brooke rushes around, directing Vanessa before darting out of the room to grab a towel from the bathroom.

“There you go, that’s better.” Brooke musses up Vanessa’s hair as she rubs it dry, and Vanessa has to admit, it feels nice to be doted on again. Come to think of it, this is the most attention Brooke has paid to Vanessa in a day and a half, the most she’s said, the first time she’s looked her in the eyes...

Their eyes snap away from each others’ as they apparently realize what’s going on at the same time, the easy tenderness between them replaced once again by a pointed awkwardness that makes it hard to breathe. Right. Things aren’t that simple, and this moment can’t be that sweet, because there’s too much left unsaid, too much they’re avoiding. For now, at least.

“We need to talk about it, don’t we?” Brooke’s voice is quiet but resolute, because they both know that the question isn’t really a question at all. For a split second, though, Vanessa can’t help but wonder what would happen if she shook her head, told Brooke that actually, talking wouldn’t be necessary. That they could just put the issue to bed and let time smooth it over, for better or worse. But that’s not what she wants, she knows it deep down, so it’s time to rip the bandaid off.

“Yeah,” Vanessa sighs, running a hand through her hair. “Yeah, we do.” 

Brooke nods, biting down on her lip for a moment before letting out a sigh of her own and gesturing for Vanessa to come further inside their room. It’s a welcome invitation; especially after her run, all Vanessa wants to do is flop down on her bed, and given what’s about to happen, curling up and having something soft to burrow into definitely sounds appealing. Brooke, though, seems to have other ideas—before Vanessa can get to her bed, Brooke beats her to her own, then taps the mattress beside her, signaling for Vanessa to climb on. 

“It’s okay,” Brooke offers kindly, “I wanna be close to you. If you want to, too.” 

Vanessa hates that she wants to, but pushes her nerves aside and comes to sit next to Brooke, drawing up her knees to pull them close to her body. Brooke mirrors her position, and there’s that silence again, a stalemate as to who should go first. It’s unbearable for someone as talkative and as sure of herself as Vanessa, of course it is, but how could Brooke expect her to know where to start?

Luckily, once again, Brooke seems to have ideas of her own.

“I’m sorry for avoiding you.” To Vanessa’s surprise, Brooke’s voice is steady, calm, a little bit matter-of-fact. “I didn’t really mean to, I just… I wanted to give us both space, you know?”

Vanessa doesn’t, not really, but she nods her head anyway, because she knows Brooke well enough by now to know the blonde will wind up explaining what she means, anyway. “It wasn’t just you, I didn’t exactly jump at the opportunity to say anything, either.” 

“That’s why I held back, yeah.” Brooke admits, “I figured we both needed space to calm down and think a little. I was kind of afraid of what you’d have to say, honestly.” 

“Same here.” Vanessa gives a little laugh. “I thought maybe you were gonna say you decided you didn’t like me after all.”

“Like you, or like girls?” Brooke raises an eyebrow, and Vanessa curses inwardly. She deserves the callout, and she should have known Brooke would follow through with it, but she was hoping to avoid it. Still, it’s out in the air now, and there’s no going back.

“Both, I guess.”

“See, that’s why I stopped, though.” Brooke’s voice becomes a little more urgent, her eyes widening as she explains, “Because it’s not like that. It’s not. I… I like you, Vanessa. I like you a lot. And I wanted you so fucking bad. That’s what made it hard. ‘Cause like, it just all got so real, you know? I couldn’t handle that it was real. I needed time to process it.” 

“I get it.” Vanessa nods, and this time, it’s true--because when she thinks about it, she remembers, and the feelings she went through just a year ago come crashing back into her mind. How confused she was. How liking girls was something she knew about herself, deep down, but only sort of. How she listened to songs about it over and over again, but it all seemed so abstract at the same time, a fantasy she wasn’t sure would ever actually be reality. How suddenly, it did, courtesy of the shy blonde in her English class and the shelter of the school library’s reference section. How plainly overwhelming that was, and how she skipped English class for a week after that, only to wind up back behind the same shelf in the library with her hands on the same girl’s waist again. 

“So you didn’t just automatically know, either?” Brooke shuffles a little closer, and Vanessa lets her, the closing space between them suddenly just a little less intimidating. 

“Nah.” This time, when Vanessa shakes her head, she can’t help but smile a little despite herself. “I was in your shoes too, and not even that long ago, honestly. I guess I just… forgot what it felt like to be there.” 

“Well, now that you remember, how do you feel?” Brooke scootches closer again, sending butterflies loose in Vanessa’s stomach. Brooke is close enough to touch now, if Vanessa were brave enough to reach out, and her eyes are gaining intensity, yet somehow softness at the same time, a faint blush on her cheeks. 

Looking at that, Vanessa knows exactly how she feels, and what she wants to do about it.

“Like I wanna kiss you again.” She breathes, scooting a little closer again. 

“Are you sure?” Brooke wavers suddenly, licking her lips.

“Yeah.” Vanessa reaches out, resting a hand on Brooke’s shoulder at last, the closing of distance feeling relieving and terrifying all at once. “Yeah, I am.” 

Brooke doesn’t protest, doesn’t talk again. She just brings her lips to Vanessa’s, and everything finally feels like it’ll be okay.

Day 14 

Vanessa wakes up in Brooke’s bed again, snuggled up against the taller girl and nestled in her arms. The blonde snores softly as she continues to sleep, her eyes flickering behind a curtain of eyelashes every so often. It’s funny; they’ve spent countless hours during their quarantine laying on Brooke’s bed together, sometimes dozing off next to each other, and yet for all the times Vanessa’s glanced over at her roommate, let herself stare too long, she hadn’t realized there was so much about Brooke that she hadn’t noticed before. Like how the slightly-pink blush that’s always on her cheeks doesn’t disappear when she’s sleeping. How her mouth is parted just a little, with warm, soft breaths that tickle at Vanessa’s cheek. How in the emerging sunlight behind their curtains, the stray hairs tangled and resting against Brooke’s face are so fine, so golden that they become almost translucent before Vanessa’s very eyes. 

She gives into temptation at that last detail, so transfixed that she doesn’t stop herself from reaching out and brushing the hair from Brooke’s face, tucking it gently behind her ear. 

“Morning, sleepy-head.” Vanessa smiles as Brooke stirs at the feeling of fingers against her skin, eyes blinking open and smile tender as she returns the gesture, tracing a warm hand over Vanessa’s cheek and making the shorter woman melt into her touch. 

“How long’ve you been awake?” Brooke’s voice is still hoarse with sleep, but she keeps her hand against Vanessa’s face, clearly content to continue stroking her as long as Vanessa keeps enjoying her touch. Vanessa shuffles a little closer, planting a chaste kiss on Brooke’s lips before burrowing into her chest again.

“Not long,” Vanessa shrugs as she shuffles a little closer, planting a chaste kiss on Brooke’s lips before burrowing into her chest again. “I just couldn’t resist waking you up, honestly.” 

“Rude.” Brooke giggles, giving Vanessa a playful shove on the shoulder. 

“What, you’d rather I just stared at you for an hour?” Vanessa teases, sticking her tongue out at Brooke, who rolls her eyes, but nonetheless brings her face down to meet Vanessa’s, answering the question by kissing the mockery off her mouth. They giggle together for a few more moments before settling back into a peaceful silence, watching each other as they enjoy the calm.

“This is nice.” Brooke finally sighs, pulling Vanessa flush against her and holding onto her tight. And Vanessa doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t need to; she only needs to kiss against Brooke’s collarbone, squeeze her back, to feel completely content. 

The next time she opens her eyes, she’s still in Brooke’s arms and the blonde’s eyes are shut again, and they’ve definitely missed breakfast, but it doesn’t matter. Not when they’re like this, so comfortable, so content. 

Of course, then her phone buzzes five times in quick succession from the other side of the room, and their little bubble is popped, Brooke’s eyes snapping open as Vanessa realizes with a jolt that she hasn’t checked her phone since yesterday.

She hops off of Brooke’s bed and is greeted by the notification of no less than twenty missed calls and seventy-five text messages--no, make that seventy-six, no, seventy-seven, seventy-eight...

**_Kiki without the kaikai: BITCH ARE U ALIVE_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: it’s been over 12 hours if they still shagging im done_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: either that or one or both have gone missing_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: VANJIE IF U CAN HEAR US SEND A SIGN_ **

**_Kiki without the kaikai: ok so she’s dead_ **

**_Dr Silk w the Good Milk: bitch if u really are dead can i have ur coach bag i got a date Fri night_ **

Jesus Christ. Vanessa chuckles to herself, shaking her head as she types out a quick message to let her friends know she’s okay.

**_Vanjie: that bag cost me $300 it’s going in the casket with me_ **

Another flurry of messages, and this time, Vanessa can’t just keep the laughter to herself, especially not when Brooke comes up behind her and peeks over her shoulder. 

“‘Did you get any bru--Oh my _God_.” Brooke reads out loud, but she laughs too. “Your friends are something else.” 

“You can say that again.” Vanessa snorts, staring at the word ‘brussy’ and wishing she could be surprised that A’keria actually wrote that, but not actually being shocked in the slightest. “I’m sorry you had to see that, by the way.”

Much to Vanessa’s surprise, this time, Brooke doesn’t blush or stammer, or even swipe a strand of hair behind her ear--she just laughs again, then pulls Vanessa close from behind, wrapping her up in her arms.

“I’m sure my friends are saying equally weird things about you now.” Brooke teases, giving Vanessa a quick kiss on the curve of her neck.

“You’re not gonna text them?” Vanessa raises an eyebrow, but her eyes quickly close and face smooths over when Brooke kisses her again, a little higher this time. 

“Nah.” Brooke keeps travelling up Vanessa’s neck, until she’s finally kissing at Vanessa’s earlobe. “They can wait.”

Unfortunately, Vanessa can’t--she’s never been good at that, never good with her patience past a certain point. So instead, she turns around in Brooke’s arms, cranes up to grab her face and pull her in for a deep kiss.

“Good,” Vanessa murmurs when they separate, Brooke letting off a barely-audible whine of protest as she pulls away. “‘Cause we’ve got some unfinished business, don’t we?” 

Vanessa trails a hand down Brooke’s side, splays her hands over the blonde’s waist as she plants a teasing kiss on her neck.

“Yeah,” Brooke breathes, swallowing hard, and the way she shivers under Vanessa’s touch, under her mouth makes more than Vanessa’s heart flutter. “We do.”

“Wanna take care of it?” 

There’s a pause, and Vanessa realizes with a jolt what she’s doing, where they’re at. How two days ago Brooke was spooked out of her mind, and now Vanessa’s trying to get her to do exactly what made her overwhelmed in the first place. Thick, thick Vanessa, what a mistake to make, she’s probably freaked Brooke out again--

“Yeah,” Brooke repeats, grabbing at Vanessa’s hips roughly and pulling her close to keep her from pulling away. “Yeah, I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grand smutty finale coming soon I promise!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed, wish me luck on finishing the second part rip


End file.
